Thursday, May 15, 2008

McCain Has This One In The Bag

If he keeps making bold and sweeping predictions like this:

McCain predicts Iraq War over by 2013

Yes that's right folks, we are going to win this war and it's only going to take five more years!

This article is hilarious. The list of accomplishments that McCain lists as his goals read quite like a Miss America pageant speech:

Other milestones McCain hopes to see at the end of what would be his first term are:

  • Witnessing Russia and China cooperating in "pressuring Iran to abandon its nuclear ambitions, and North Korea to discontinue its own."
  • Significantly increasing the size of the Army and Marine Corps, which will be "better equipped and trained to defend us."
  • The application of "stiff diplomatic and economic pressure" by the United States -- acting in concert with a newly formed League of Democracies -- to cause Sudan to agree to a multinational peacekeeping force, with NATO countries providing logistical and air support, to stop the genocide in Darfur.
  • Several years of robust economic growth.
  • Taxpayers filing under a flat tax.
  • The world food crisis ending, low inflation, and a "much improved" quality of life "not only in our country, but in some of the most impoverished countries around the world."
  • More accessible health care for Americans and an easing of pressure on Medicare because of lower health care costs.
  • A United States well on its way to "independence from foreign sources of oil."
  • A Social Security system that is solvent, does not reduce benefits for those nearing retirement and includes individual retirement accounts
  • The confirmation of "scores of judges" to the federal district and appellate courts, including the U.S. Supreme Court.
  • A secure southern border for the United States after "tremendous improvements to border security infrastructure and increases in the border patrol, and vigorous prosecution of companies that employ illegal aliens."
  • Perhaps he can get us some world peace while he's at it! Awesome. What I really enjoy is how these candidates talk about HOW we are going to fix the health care system and social security! Come on guys, at least pretend to have a real plan. Geez.


    Johnnie Francis Xavier MacIntyre said...

    The geezer ignored the environment entirely eh? I thought he might have a plan to create new icebergs and reverse global warming or something...