Thursday, August 28, 2008

Obama v. McCain v. None-of-the-Above

You remember back in high school or college, taking those tests where at the end there was

E) None of the above

And that answer was almost always right (or maybe not - my grades were never that great)? It just seemed like usually if that was a possibility, that was the answer. Even after last night's rousing speech by Barack Obama, I still feel like I am sitting here waiting for that other candidate to come along. The 'none of the above' candidate.

I can't stand the Conservative penchant for inserting their morality into my life through political measures. Do we really need the government to tell us that we should be Christian, that people can't make fundamental decisions about their bodies and their health, and that gay people's feelings about each other are so illegitimate that we should not allow them to share the same rights that straight couples share? Why am I not a patriot because I don't support a needless war in Iraq. Doesn't anyone see the parallels with Vietnam? Surely McCain does, because - oh hasn't he mentioned this - he fought in that war, and was a POW! That means only he is qualified to posit an opinion on American involvement in any war, anywhere. While I by no means intend to minimize his struggle, did sitting in a prison for years really make him more qualified to be a Commander-in-Chief?

Conversely, I am really tired of the Liberals telling us about the evils of 'outsourcing', how the American dream is a factory job, how everyone should buy American made goods because that's the RIGHT THING TO DO. Why do I have to buy overpriced things just because they are made here. Oh by the way, let's tax the corporations more! How dare they try to create shareholder value! Where do you think those profits go? It couldn't POSSIBLY go toward job creation, increased shareholder value, dividends for investors who are very guessed it...AMERICANS. Sigh. Unions are bad - a relic of a time gone by when working in factories was dangerous and workers didn't have options. Now they do. Transportation, the internet, and the media have the legitimate mission of the Union obsolete. Oh, by the way - factory work is NOT the American dream. The American dream should be better than that, so stop pandering to people who want to work cushy jobs at Union wages, doing work that can be done for 20% the price by an uneducated third-world worker, or by a robot. The American Dream is to be the person who creates the f******g robot, people. While we are on the subject of moving forward, let's move forward on this message, Barack.

Where oh where is the candidate who comes in and says "You know what, let's be intelligent here. You want to go to church? Awesome. Do it. I don't care which one, because it's not my damned business. Oh, you're gay? And you want to live in a monogamous relationship? Go right ahead - it's not bothering me! Hey while we are at it, you know what I think - I think that the NRA is misusing an old statute that was put in place to keep the British army from overrunning their town! Let's come right out and call bullshit. Oh and the unions, we don't want their support, because they are NOT ACTING IN THE BEST INTEREST OF AMERICAN WORKERS. We aren't going to tax businesses more, but we will close the tax loopholes. You know what we are going to use that extra money for? Hmmmm. How about energy technology research, so that we can stop acting like we are really concerned about the middle east, and stop fighting wars! Maybe we should save our fight for things like fighting to keep our budgets in check. And on the topic of social security - why is it so bad that we would privatize it. We don't take care of the rest of your money for you. If you can take care of some of your money, why don't we let you take care of ALL OF YOUR MONEY."

I don't think that person exists, and if they did, they would probably only get votes from cranky opinionated jerks like me.

Anyway, that one has been building up for a while. I am tired of hearing about celebrities, and I am tired of hearing about people with too many houses. Let's talk about real things, real problems, and actual possible solutions. Thank goodness I will miss lots of this crap while I am in Italy next month.


Johnnie Francis Xavier MacIntyre said...

I would vote for you. As long as you don't take over my country.

Take a few years to think about running. I'll be there will bells on and a placard or two in hand.